i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
