I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
