I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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