Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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