I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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