We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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