Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
