P.S. I can't hear my feet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
