How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
