woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
