she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
As shirtless as possible
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
