OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
