We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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