So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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