We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
