HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
vagina is talking i cant
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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