and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
