i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
