allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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