I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
