When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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