my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
PANTIES FOUND
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
