So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
