Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
