apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
