found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
