Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
