when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
