i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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