I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
