My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
whose parrot is this?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
