i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
