he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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