we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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