Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
