is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
