i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's get the cat blown out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
