wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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