just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
