Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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