Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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