Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
