Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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