I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
