Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
