you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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