My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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