One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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