Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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