In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
