Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so explain again why im purple
no
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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