Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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