there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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